Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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