I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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