What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
your room smells of hookers.
And success
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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