Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
