around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
