I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
