wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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