my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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