Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
