Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
