I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
