I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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