I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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