I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
