So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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