Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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