she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
