If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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