It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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