I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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