Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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