walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
