Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
