Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
