Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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