Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
