I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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