im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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