My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
