Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
