Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I came so hard my ears popped.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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