did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
