he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
