I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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