yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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