ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
