The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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