If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
