May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
