I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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