My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
