yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
