Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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