just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
