a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
