you guys were way drunker than both of me
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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