Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
