I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
