The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
