you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
