I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
