Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
