i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
