take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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