The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
